A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Author: Groucho Marx
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Author: Joan Rivers
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Author: Johnny Carson
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
Author: Mark Twain
Facts, words, people and other concepts are the building blocks of thought. Compare, combine, or associate them. That’s thinking. Anyone can do it.
Author:
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
Author: David Letterman
Genius compares, combines, and associate – sees relationships where others see none.
Author:
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Author: Mark Twain
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Author: Oscar Levant
I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
Author: Oscar Levant
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Author: Groucho Marx
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Author: Henny Youngman
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.''
Author: Joan Rivers
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Author: Woody Allen
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Author: Groucho Marx
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Author: Woody Allen
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Author: Mark Twain
To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.
Author: Oscar Wilde
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
Author: David Letterman
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