Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Author: Johnny Carson
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Author: Johnny Carson
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Author: Johnny Carson
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Author: Johnny Carson
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